Ohmygod, no way?? It’s almost as if that’s exactly what John Greenintended.
"Augustus Waters talked so much that he’d interrupt you at his own funeral. And he was pretentious: Sweet Jesus Christ, that kid never took a piss without pondering the abundant metaphorical resonances of human waste production."
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
the anti vaccination movement basically consists of random people with no knowledge of medicine going “I can medicine better than doctors” and it would be hilarious if it wasn’t literally killing people
you dont need vaccines, I havent had any and Im still doing great
wow, what a compelling argument. you’ve got me
in other news, i am still alive therefore death must be a myth
a strip club but instead of naked women its cute dogs that you give dog treats to for them to do tricks
and they have cats as well that you can have chase laser lights around and the place is called Bitches n’ Pussies and the sad lonely guy who wants to come in to stare at tits for three hours comes in pleasantly surprised when they dump a basket of kittens on him for happy hour and then that guy finds the real love of his life, which is soft and cuddly things, and then he becomes content with his life and finds his way to happiness.